I forgot!

I forgot to update about where we are right now in this journey. We haven't heard back on the baby girl due at the end of summer. Hopefully we'll hear back sometime this week one way or another. I'm not too worked up about it. We were contacted yesterday in fact, regarding a baby boy born Saturday. We would have had to travel today in order to pick him up at the hospital tomorrow. He was going to cost a lot more money and that money would've had to have been transferred this morning. We had one hour to decide, and we decided to decline. Still not the one. I have to admit, I hate this part in the process and can assure you that it is not our intention to keep turning down babies. But, we once again something wasn't right. We feel very confident in our decision and are continuing to pray that God gives us grace and strength to hang in there until the right one comes along. Forgive me if I sound like I'm searching for a new car. On paper that's what it sounds like. But it definitely doesn't feel like that. It's a major decision that most people never have to make, and when it's what the Lord wants, Jonathan and I will both be at peace. We're both very ready for that day to come, and are praying that it comes very soon. As soon as I here back on the baby girl, I'll update and let you know. Thanks for praying for us! We are needing it more and more! Have a great week!

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."
-Corrie Ten Bloom

Father's Day

I didn't get my dad a Father's day card. I didn't even get him a gift. In fact, he cooked Jonathan and I dinner. How messed up is that? I know, pretty messed up. So, I decided to honor him at the beginning of this blog. Here goes.....My dad is one amazing man. Perfect? No. But amazing? Yes. And the best part about it is- he's mine. There has never been a moment in my life, when I haven't been proud of him. Not because he's accomplished great things, but because of who he is. Jonathan turned 30 in February and we went to dinner with my parents and his parents to celebrate. I sat across the table from my dad and watched him. At some point during dinner I looked up as he was spreading an enormous amount of honey mustard on a bite of his bread and I had this incredible amount of love overwhelm me. I have never really had a preference to the gender of the child we adopt, but that night, I really desired a girl. Not for me, but for Jonathan. There is no love like the love a daughter has for her dad. My mom is my best friend, but the love I have for her is different. Not less might I point out, just different. It's hard to describe in words. I just know that as I have gotten older and the further we have gone in this adoption process, the more I have desired for Jonathan to be a father to a daughter. I want to be sitting across the table 25 years from now with my daughter's inlaws and her husband, and have her look at Jonathan the way I look at my dad, and love him in her heart the way I love my dad. My dad deserves it, and I think Jonathan does too. I'm grateful for my dad and I'm thankful that because he's so good at loving me, I've known firsthand what it's like to be loved by the Father. Thanks Dad!

Update.....Crazy!

I haven't been blogging regularly because we've been waiting to here back from the agency as to whether or not they were going to continue to work with us. Well, on Wednesday night I got a call from the birthmom's case worker apologizing for just now getting back with me. Long story short, she said that since our last visit the agency has found out that the bm has been to the doctor a lot and has had 5 ultrasounds before her 20th week. The agency spoke with the bm's doctor and he said that there has never been a chance of multiples. There is only one baby and that is the way it has always been. He couldn't understand why the bm would be telling that it was multiples. The bm finally returned the case worker's call on Tuesday night, and when confronted with the situation, replied with another lie that she had just found out herself during a recent trip to the er. The case worker thinks that the bm might have made this whole multiples story up to give her a good "reason" to give her child up for adoption. If it were multiples, people would probably support her decision more than if they knew it was just one baby. The agency told us to think about it and get back with them on whether or not we wanted to proceed knowing now that it will be a single birth. I was speechless. How can you sleep at night carrying a burden this large? My first thought was "Did she not think that we would find out?" We were, after all, the couple she selected to take home her child/children. How could she sit on the phone with us for an hour asking us if we were ready to take on multiples? She told me they were identical for heavens sake and that they would be born in August. I don't know how long she thought she could keep this up, but it didn't quite go as she had planned. Jonathan and I talked about it last night, and I called today to decline for the final time. In the last two weeks, we've moved on. Whether it is one, two, or three babies, it's not for us. This isn't our baby and we couldn't be more at peace with our decision. The agency supports our decision and is going to submit us early next week to a bm in CA that is due with a girl sometime this summer. This may not be our baby either, but at least we're able to move forward. I'm just excited to have dismounted this horse for the last time! Thanks again for praying for us. We are very encouraged and our looking forward to what the Lord has for us in this next phase of our journey. I just pray it's not as bumpy as it has been in the last couple of weeks! I'll keep you posted as soon as I know something new!


When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.
-Unknown