Bittersweet

If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain. -Dolly Parton

When I last updated, we had been submitted to the mom with twins. I received an email last Tuesday saying that our profile had been mailed on that day to her. On Thursday, I got a call saying that we had been selected by this couple, and they would like a conference call with us and her case worker this past weekend. The case worker informed me prior to telling me that we had been selected that the mom had been to the ER and the ultrasound had revealed that there were two babies, but that the agency thought there were three! They had no medical confirmation of the triplets she said, so I assumed the birthmom was right. We were elated! I couldn't believe that we had been chosen! I called Jonathan immediately and told him the news. When I told him the part about the agency thinking it was triplets he was silent, but I reassured him that the birthmom said it was twins. We had our conference call on Sunday (two days ago), and it went awesome. I loved her! She was everything that I hoped she would be. Conversation flowed smoothly, and I felt great! She told me they were identical and that they would be finding out the gender next month. Again, very exciting! Towards the end of the conversation I told her that I knew she had been to the ER and it was twins, but I was wondering if there was still a chance it could be triplets or if they had ruled that out completely. She was somewhat taken back by my question, understandably so, and answered with "Oh, it's not twins. It's definitely triplets." My heart sunk. The call was dropped due to bad connection I am assuming and Jonathan and I spent the rest of the night in complete fog as to what we should do. Jonathan and I have prayed, talked, and prayed some more on what our decision should be. By far, this has been the hardest decision we have ever had to make. After much discussion and prayer, we have decided to decline. We've dreamed a lot about being parents, so some might think we're foolish. But, we simply did not have peace. We feel confident in our decision, but that doesn't necessarily make it easy. It's bittersweet! Bitter because we wanted these to be the babies for us and they're not; Sweet because we know that the perfect baby or babies that God has created for us is out there and still needs us. When you pray for us, please pray for her, the birthmom of these triplets. She is a great mom and a sweet person who needs a lot of direction in choosing a new adoptive family. Our decision will probably cost us a relationship with a very large adoption agency. We are praying this is not the case, but are prepared to move on.