Bittersweet

If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain. -Dolly Parton

When I last updated, we had been submitted to the mom with twins. I received an email last Tuesday saying that our profile had been mailed on that day to her. On Thursday, I got a call saying that we had been selected by this couple, and they would like a conference call with us and her case worker this past weekend. The case worker informed me prior to telling me that we had been selected that the mom had been to the ER and the ultrasound had revealed that there were two babies, but that the agency thought there were three! They had no medical confirmation of the triplets she said, so I assumed the birthmom was right. We were elated! I couldn't believe that we had been chosen! I called Jonathan immediately and told him the news. When I told him the part about the agency thinking it was triplets he was silent, but I reassured him that the birthmom said it was twins. We had our conference call on Sunday (two days ago), and it went awesome. I loved her! She was everything that I hoped she would be. Conversation flowed smoothly, and I felt great! She told me they were identical and that they would be finding out the gender next month. Again, very exciting! Towards the end of the conversation I told her that I knew she had been to the ER and it was twins, but I was wondering if there was still a chance it could be triplets or if they had ruled that out completely. She was somewhat taken back by my question, understandably so, and answered with "Oh, it's not twins. It's definitely triplets." My heart sunk. The call was dropped due to bad connection I am assuming and Jonathan and I spent the rest of the night in complete fog as to what we should do. Jonathan and I have prayed, talked, and prayed some more on what our decision should be. By far, this has been the hardest decision we have ever had to make. After much discussion and prayer, we have decided to decline. We've dreamed a lot about being parents, so some might think we're foolish. But, we simply did not have peace. We feel confident in our decision, but that doesn't necessarily make it easy. It's bittersweet! Bitter because we wanted these to be the babies for us and they're not; Sweet because we know that the perfect baby or babies that God has created for us is out there and still needs us. When you pray for us, please pray for her, the birthmom of these triplets. She is a great mom and a sweet person who needs a lot of direction in choosing a new adoptive family. Our decision will probably cost us a relationship with a very large adoption agency. We are praying this is not the case, but are prepared to move on.

Brief Overview

We are using a consultant firm that originated in Georgia, but our consultant lives in Kansas City. This firm is not a facilitator or anything of the sort. They are only there to walk us through the process and answer any questions we have along the way. They have contact with several agencies in states that they feel have good adoption laws. When we decided to use this consultant firm, we had been told that on average, it should take between 4-6 months from start to finish (in a few cases it has been shorter, and in some longer). We began the process in February of this year. Everything up to this point has gone by really fast. We have completed our home study as well as all of the necessary paperwork for several agencies, and have now have entered the waiting period. We have access to some of the agencies' websites, and are able to check their "available situations" (aka birthmoms who have decided to place their child or children up for adoption) online. We check these websites regularly and contact the agency when we would like for a certain birthmother to look at our profile. Up until this week, we thought we had submitted our profile to 5 different birthmoms. But on Monday of this week, we found out that all of them have fallen through except one. So, as of today, we have been submitted to a birthmom who is carrying twins!! What are we thinking you ask? We're not sure! Jonathan gets excited thinking about the possibility of twins. I, on the other hand, immediately feel fatigued and my eyelids get puffy from the thought of such sleep deprivation. We should hear something in a couple of weeks. We have been told that this part of the process is the hardest, and can be the most discouraging. But the Lord has been extremely gracious to us, and has blessed us with a tremendous amount of peace and strength. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement! We really appreciate it!

Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, `Give them up!' and to the south, `Do not hold them back.' Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth-- --- Isaiah 43: 5-6

Hey!

Hello everyone! I have finally decided to start blogging, so here's an attempt to get you caught up on what is going on in our lives and hopefully I'll be consistent in updating this every week.

Jonathan and I have been married for almost seven years now, and have loved every minute of it. After a year of being married, we decided it was time for us to start planning for a family. We went through a couple of years of medicine and ultrasounds. Then we saw an infertility specialist in Tulsa where we went through one cycle of AI and one IVF cycle. Long story short, here we are almost 6 years later still planning for a family only now it is through the eyes of adoption. Now, let me preface this blog by stating that adoption for us is not a second best plan. We have not decided to adopt because we have lost hope of ever having a biological child. Even though we have been told that medically there is no hope, we serve a very good God who is much bigger than any medical intervention. But this isn't about being pregnant- it's about being a mom, and I don't have to birth a child to do that. For now, God may have closed my womb, but He has opened our hearts to the gift of adoption. We couldn't be more thrilled! We are excited about the new adventure of parenthood, and will keep you posted on the details of our journey.