I'm not going to say it again!

Oh my! I should get on this thing more often I know. I really have had great intentions, but just don't seem to get the job done. Life comes at me fast now days. I thrilled that I remember to put my underwear on everyday! I'm trying to remember where I left off since my last post. I have sent 2 more letters to his BM, but have not heard back from her. I really don't expect to, and honestly don't know what I'd think if I did hear from her. This is going to sound strange I know, but most days, I forget that I didn't birth him myself. Silly me, but I forget about her every day of the month until it comes time to print pictures and write her letter. I thought it might get easier each time, but it really hasn't. It's still a very unnatural thing, but there again, so is adoption, and God has made that an extremely natural process for us. I tried to upload his monthly pictures for you, but I can't figure out how to rotate them. They're saved correctly in my pictures, but upload sideways. I'll keep trying though.
Now for the adoption update. We have a couple of serious prayer needs. Long story short, I received a call last week from the attorney's office in Utah that I had been in contact with during our stay there. I have been trying to contact him ever since we've been home, but have not been successful. They informed me that they have no memory of us at all. There is no file on us at his office. A petition to the court in Utah that was supposed to be submitted within the first 30 days of Bennett's life was not done, nor has the birth fathers rights be term Salt Lake City area, and have yet to speak with anyone interested in taking our case on. I was suprised yesterday when I was calling around how rude they were. The secretaries treated me like I was a solicitor selling them granola from Hong Kong. There is a lawyer that the couple we stayed with in Utah referred us to. He is a believer which is comforting, but he's also very busy. So, I haven't been able to speak with him directly either. We're just continuing to pray that the Lord brings the right attorney to us. Hopefully, we'll hear something back soon and someone will be able to answer our questions. Please continue to pray for us and that this whole matter gets solved quickly and painlessly. Our trust is still completely in the Lord, so we'll just sit back and wait for Him to move! Thanks for praying! Until next time.......

"Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to."

Wow-I'm a terrible blogger so this is long!

Hello! Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I have had several attempts , but with no success! So, finally I'm updating. By the pure grace of God, we were home on the 2nd of August. This was a huge answer to prayer. We were greeted by a lot of our close friends and family, so Bennett had a great welcome home party at the airport. Since then, we've just tried to get settled, as if that is really achievable! I spend my days wiping the cutest little hiney you've ever seen and catching spit up from the most beautiful little mouth! I love being a mom! Bennett is doing great. He eats good, and sleeps, well, good sometimes which is better than never! He's just perfect for us! I couldn't be more confident that he is our baby. The transition into motherhood has not been bad at all. I have however been somewhat surprised at peoples reactions to him and I together. There hasn't been a day since we've been home that I haven't had to explain why I don't have stretch marks. I had a lady in Wal-mart just yesterday that saw him in my buggy and totally invited herself into our personal space for a closer view! She went on and on about how cute he was, and then asked with doubt in her voice, "Is he yours?" I immediately answered yes because that would be the correct answer. It didn't even register with me what she meant until she proceeded to tell me how much she hated me because I didn't look like I had just had a child. I never corrected her wrong assumption that I birthed him. Had she asked if I had delivered him, I of course would have been truthful, but she didn't. I refuse for the next 18 years to describe him as my adopted son. Is he adopted? Yes. But does that tiny little fact come before all the others words I could choose to describe him? No! He's just Bennett. And he's just ours!
I had to send Sara (will call his BM this from here on out) his first set of pictures and a letter. This was a harder task than I thought it would be. Bennett is not doing much other than pooping, sleeping, and crying, so I took the opportunity this time to let her know once again how much I love her. It has become very important to me that she know and understand that the love I have for her has relatively nothing to do with Bennett. People have talked a lot about gratefulness since we adopted him as it pertains to being grateful to Sara because she gave her son to us. I don't mean to sound unappreaciative, but I"m not grateful to Sara because she "gave us her son." I am grateful to Sara because she chose life! She had the option of just terminating her pregnancy, and she chose to carry him to term. I couldn't be more grateful for her decision, but I am not grateful to Sara for "choosing" us. I am thoroughly grateful to the Lord because He is the one who chose us for Bennett. He softened Sara's heart to us and allowed us the opportunity of raising him. And we continue to be humbled and honored, once again, for the chance to love Bennett. In Sara's letter, I told her some of the specifics that I am praying over her life and gave her the opportunity to let us know if there was anything else that she wanted us to pray for. We'll wait and see if we hear back. Thank you for all of your prayers. The Lord heard them and has done what you have asked of him in Jesus' name! Please continue to pray with us for Sara. The Lord loves her tremendously and is just waiting on her to come to him. I know that I may never know while I'm here on earth the effect of our prayers. But I am believing in faith that I'll see her again in the glory of Christ! Okay, that's all for now. I really am going to start setting aside time to update this thing. I really am sorry that it has taken me this long. Thanks again for all of your encouragement and prayers. We have felt them! Until next time.....off to a hungry little man!

Paperwork Update

This afternoon we got a call from our case manager saying that her office had been contacted by the home state in need of missing paperwork. She told me that her office manager was out of the office for the rest of the day and wouldn't get to it until tomorrow sometime. She told me to contact the lady who conducted our home study to see if she could help. Our home study lady had a message on her voicemail saying that she was out of the office, how long I don't know, for a death in the family and could only be reached if out of extreme emergency. Though, this seems urgent to us, I didn't think she would view the urgency the same. Luckily, I had brought with me all of our adoption paperwork from February to now. So, I contacted the home state and actually was able to speak to the lady reviewing our paperwork. She allowed me to fax to her all of the necessary forms, which only leaves one form (that only the agency has) to be faxed tomorrow. It was my understanding that as soon as she gets this form, we are cleared to come home. If this takes place early enough tomorrow, we may be able to move our flight up to tomorrow night. If not, we will just come home on Saturday. If we don't get cleared tomorrow, then we will more than likely come home on the scheduled 5th of August. Tomorrow is a make or break it kind of day. We're holding out for this weekend, but if we have to go longer, we'll make the best of it! Once again, we can't thank you enough for praying for us. Hope to see you soon!

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength."
-Corrie Ten Boom

Lukas Bennett

Well, my original plan was to update this blog frequently once we arrived here in Utah to give everyone updates on what was going on. Unfortunately, Bennett is a week old and I'm just now having a chance to let everyone know that he's here. He was born on Wednesday of last week, and the week has really flown by, well, sort of. The BM had to have an emergency C-section because Bennett was in distress and wasn't pulling out of it. The BM was induced at 7:00 that morning and he was born at 10:31! It was a whirlwind! We found out after the fact, that the cord was wrapped around his neck extremely tight, and at one point during her epidural, they didn't have a heartbeat for him, which is why they rushed her into surgery. I could talk for days about our experience from that point on, but I think I'll just sum it up with a couple of words: hard, heartbreaking, joyous, exciting, an emotional rollercoaster. I knew that this experience was different, but there is nothing that could have prepared me for what we just lived through. The Lord was faithful, as He always is, which honestly on some days, was all I had to hold on to. Although the experience was nothing like anything either of us had ever been through, I can tell you that the Lord moved mightly in it and did give us a little glimpse into His greatness. I had prayed when we started this journey, that our BM would see the Lord in us. And the burden became even greater when we found out about Bennett. It was really important to me that she look at me and not see me, but see Him. I had big plans for our interactions, our conversations. I wanted to love her. I wanted to pray for her. And I did love her. And we had the opportunity to pray for her. But nothing meant as much to me as this....When they were wheeling her back for her C-section, her case manager ran out into the waiting room dressed in all of her surgical apparel and said that she wanted me! I took off running down the hall because there wasn't much time, and when I got to her, all she wanted was for me to hug her as she cried. I'm crying now just thinking it! Her case manager was in awe because she had never had a BM request to see the adoptive mom in a situation like that. I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with the whole hospital situation in the days following his birth, and the Lord reminded me that eventhough the situation wasn't going as I had originally thought it would, He was still moving in it. And that was obvious when she called on me for comfort. Whether she recognized it or not, she saw Him in me which was exactly what I had prayed for. I wanted her to see Him, and I'm convinced she did. I don't say that to brag on me. I'm nothing special, but I do believe that at 10:15 on the 23rd of July, the Lord used me as his vessel to comfort the hurting and scared. I couldn't have asked for anything more honoring. It was a pretty humbling experience that I am extremely grateful for. Bennett is doing great! We've been out of the hospital since Friday and have been staying with a family that we hooked up with through some mutual friends. They have a been a huge blessing and have made the time here go by faster, if that's possible! Our paperwork has been delivered to Utah and will hopefully be delivered to the home state by tomorrow. Our return flight home is scheduled for the 5th of August. We are praying that our paperwork ends up in the hands of someone very merciful that speeds the process up a great deal. This right now is our biggest prayer request! We are ready to go home and get our life back chaotic normal. I promise I'll post more as I know it! Thanks for all of your prayers! We have felt extremely loved, and we really appreciate all of you! Until next time........


"There are only two ways to live your life. One is though nothing is a miracle. The other is though everything is a miracle." -Albert Einstein

At Last!

God never ceases to amaze me in how quick He can move in any given circumstance. The agency with the BM I have been blogging about called on Monday to give me her social/medical history. Everything sounded great! Even though I had never talked to the BM, I felt as if I knew her just after hearing her M/S history. The agency said they would get our profile to her on Monday afternoon, so we anticipated hearing back one way or another by next week. Well, they called on Tuesday evening and congratulated us-she had picked us! We had a conference call with the BM Wednesday night, and I love her! If I could have "designed" (for lack of a better term) a BM, how she would act and sound etc., it would be her. We were told on Tuesday that her due date had been moved up from the 14th of August to the 6th, which was fine with me because that's my birthday. But, then she told me that they would more than likely induce her on the 30th. We were ecstatic, but knew that we had a lot of planning to do in little time. Oh, we just thought that was little time. They called me yesterday and said that they are 99% sure that she is going to have him on the 23rd. Yes, the 23rd of July---5 days from now! We are still really excited, but a tiny bit more stressed because of all the stuff we have got to get done in practically a blink of an eye! They told us to anticipate being in Utah for up to 2 weeks. I wasn't real thrilled about this until I realized that we will be in a hotel room which will not have a kitchen. Meaning, I won't have to cook. Nor will I feel the need to constantly be doing laundry or other busy work projects because these projects won't exist at the hotel. I'll do the necessary laundry there, but I won't feel like I have to be cleaning and doing the dishes, etc. I'm sure you mommas know what I mean. We booked our flights last night and I am going today to register. Our showers will have to be after he's here. We still haven't decided on a name. This could be a drawn out process with Jonathan! I'm sure that I will be updating a lot more now that I have someone to update about! I am going to try to figure out how to add photos to this blog. I know how to add them to myspace, so if I don't get them added here, I 'll at least have them on my myspace. Thank you for your prayers and keep praying. We need them now more than ever! And please pray for our BM as well. She really is a sweet, loving person who is a great mom! Not only has this been a difficult situation for her, but she has other stresses in her life that need to be lifted up as well so that the Lord can intervene on her behalf. Thanks again! We appreciate it all!


"For I am mindful of the plans I have for you, says the Lord; plans for good not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Ugh!

Well, there's not really much to blog about. I thought that I would hear back this week from the agency with the boy due in August, but I didn't. She left me a message on Tuesday to tell me that she was waiting on the bm's social history and she was pretty sure she would get that either Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. I thought I would hear from her on Wednesday, but I didn't. I am hoping that I hear back early this week, and possibly they will present to the bm later this week. Ugh! On a brighter note, we bought a crib mattress today. This was exciting! It doesn't feel very comfortable, but apparently babies sleep on firm mattresses. Who knew? Hopefully, we'll agree on a crib this week and get that ordered. I'll update again next week once I've heard back from the agency. Have a great week!

Back to the Real World

We have just spent the last week in Orange Beach soaking up the sun and doing absolutely nothing. It was awesome. I haven't updated in a while because there really hasn't been much to update. The two main agencies that we regularly check have not had much activity, so we haven't had much to talk about. As of tonight, the BM that is due at the end of the summer has not returned any of the agencies attempts to contact her. So, it's safe to say that she's out of the picture. I contacted one of these agencies today regarding a BM that is due with a boy in August. This particular agency does not put a cap on how many profiles their BM get to look at, so I feel pretty good that we'll have the opportunity to be presented to this BM. Other than this one situation, we're somewhat in a dry place. But as we have learned, these dry places come and go, and we're not here long before another opportunity presents itself. Hopefully I will talk to the agency tomorrow and find out more info about the boy in August. I anticipate the other agency will be updating with new situations by the end of the week. We'll keep praying and hopefully soon, we'll have more to blog about! Until next time........


When God puts you on hold- don't hang up!